Author: Douglas Thayer
Title: The Conversion of Jeff Williams
Publisher: Signature Books
Year of publication: 2003
Number of pages: 234 (paperback)
ISBN: I-56085-178-3
Price: $18.95

Reviewed by Meradith Christiansen

I’ll be completely honest. What initially attracted me to The Conversion of Jeff Williams was merely the fact that the story takes place in Provo, and I myself happen to reside in this beautiful little nook also known as P-town. I thought it would be fun to be read about the places and things they we're seeing and be able to envision everywhere that is mentioned in the book. And it was. However, the story ended up being much more to me than I expected. Anyone who has been raised LDS, who has been raised in the midst of Mormon culture, who has passed through adolescence, or any of the three will be able to relate to and appreciate the tender and so true to life messages of this book.

I found that while the book started off a little slow for me, I quickly became engaged in the main character Jeff. As I continued to read on I realized more and more how much I understood and could relate to him and his perspective on life and LDS culture. He is a seventeen year old from San Diego. The book is written in first person, entirely from his perspective. Jeff is fairly typical for boys his age in the church; I have known many like him and I myself have felt many of his same feelings. He is extremely conscientious, in the thick of trying to figure out the world around him and how he fits into it all. He is an unpretentious, sensitive boy who has the desire to do what’s right, but is in no hurry to grow up. He feels no envy for those he perceives as “more spiritual or more righteous than he.” He is content being who he is and resists the pressure placed upon him and others in his age group in the church.

I didn’t worry about the church being a world church. We had a good ward. The youth program, which helped, wasn’t too phony. In seminary and church they were always telling us that we were a chosen generation saved to come to the earth at this time because the church needed great leaders, and so we had to be righteous and spiritual all the time and be examples, which I decided was just a big guilt trip… I’d just close my eyes, try not to listen, and think about what we were going to have for supper (p. 43).

Jeff is raised in an LDS family consisting of mom, dad and two older brothers who have both left home and married. His mom is a warm hearted, slightly sarcastic but personable individual (she leaves a pair of heels on the patio so she can dance with Jeff, his brothers and her husband). His dad is the strong silent type, with a tender heart, always serving others but not a man of many words. Jeff respects his father a great deal, but doesn’t really know too much about him or his growing up experiences.

The story begins with Jeff reluctantly preparing to move to Provo for the summer. Christopher, Jeff’s first cousin, asks him to come and stay with their family. Christopher has always lived the perfect life in Jeff’s eyes; athletic, wholly spiritual, popular, a concert pianist, and filthy rich. His father, Uncle Richard, is a stake president and his mother, Aunt Helen, is the world’s biggest perfectionist; she requires everyone to not only take off their shoes but also put on white slippers upon entering their 15,000 square foot, immaculately kept home. Christopher has recently experienced an important turning point in his life. Over the past year he has had serious health problems. He has been in and out of surgery, had to have one kidney removed and now has been steadily recovering and preparing to submit his mission papers. He wants more than anything just to have someone to talk to while in the process, and thus Jeff is summoned to Mormon Mecca.

The book offers a very personal reflection of Mormon culture, a culture which the author clearly loves and adores but also is honest about its points of criticism. The consequences of perfectionism in our society as members of the church is a very important theme throughout the book; with symbolism laced throughout. It examines the pressure that we Latter-day Saints all feel to be the very best, to be “a light upon a hill” in a world of darkness, and what this pressure oftentimes does to us. It can be very destructive to our spiritual progress. Christopher opens up to Jeff, about his own humanness, about his personal conversion to the gospel and the journey he has been through in attempts to understand and apply the atonement in his life. He speaks humbly and sincerely about trying to live up to the expectations of his family and community, and the double life that those expectations created in him.

"I wished I could have told them about what I felt and all my doubts, but they thought I was so wonderful and perfect and spiritual and everything, especially my mother. I couldn’t disappoint her, and I promised I’d never do anything to cause her pain-which I shouldn’t have done because it doesn’t work. After a while, you resent it and nobody really knows who you are. You feel alone. You live two lives, one for home and church and a different one for other places. You’re dishonest. You get cynical, you really do Jeff." (p.51)

Jeff realized that he himself always has held the same expectations of Christopher, unrealistically high; though he was never someone he was particularly impressed by. A friendship and love develops between the boys over the course of the summer based on sincerity and honesty. Ironically, Jeff starts to truly admire Christopher for the first time, because by getting sick he has allowed himself to be open about his weaknesses and imperfections; because he is honest, humble and genuine. He tells Jeff about his process of repentance and having a true change of heart. He tells him that getting sick was the best thing that ever happened to him.

Jeff starts to realize how blessed his simple life has truly been and is. He learns how much he values the relationships he has with his family members. He learns the value of work, because he is suddenly in an environment where everything is done for him and he is required to do nothing. At first he revels in it, as any of us would, but gradually sees his cousin who has never had a job, and he feels sorry for him in a way. A paradigm shift like never before is taking place in his life, and his perspective about religion, family, and what’s really most important in life is being completely altered. Ironically, at one point it is Christopher who talks about feeling envy towards Jeff.

"People think that sex is so sacred that you shouldn’t even talk about it, but you have to talk about it-you have to-with your parents and other people who love you. You have to have the words too. Sex isn’t some big sacred thing. I’ve always envied your family because you talk to each other about everything-especially your mom. She’s great." (p.52)
How often do we allow our own prejudices and judgments of others to limit relationships we would otherwise be capable of learning from and experiencing in our own lives?

Doug Thayer has created a profoundly human experience in The Conversion of Jeff Williams. It’s a story that young and old alike will feel deeply. It provoked much emotion and thought in me as I contemplated where I am in my life and those experiences that have completely altered the way I see the world around me. It is a story of growing up; heartache, pain, triumph, and over all how these enrich and sculpt our mortal experience. It discusses the reality of the old age question, “why do bad things happen to good people?”and what it truly means to find safety and protection in the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is in no way immunity from despair and hardship. It does not mean that things will always work out the way we think they should. Each of us comes to a point in life when we must really find out what it is we believe in and decide the course we want our lives to take. This is a crossroad we must come to individually, one by one. This book has encouraged me to reflect yet again upon those crossroads in my own life, and the experiences I have had that have defined my character and refined me.